(Don't) Let Go
by amourxoxo
Summary: Finn was controlled. He was the strong one, the one who never let anyone in. Except his nan. No one but her had been able to break down his walls. Until Rae barged into his life, that is. (Ep. 4 after the spin the bottle scene, delving into their thoughts and filling in some of the moments we missed)
1. Chapter 1

(Rae's POV)

Her thoughts had been spinning wildly around in her head, the combination of beer, loud music, bright lights, and too many people making it difficult to focus. She watched the people around her, Archie chatting up the boy he had kissed in spin-the-bottle, Chloe choosing what album to put on next, Danny talking animatedly with a couple people, and Chop relentlessly spinning the bottle to find someone to snog while Izzy gazed at him from the distant lands of the friend-zone. Rae tried to put a smile on her face, to make it seem as if she was enjoying herself even if, deep down, she was sort of bricking it. Though the party had calmed down, her ricocheting thoughts were still running rampant, creating a fuzzy cloud she could barely see through. The only thing her addled brain _could _focus on was the look in Finn's eyes when he'd left the landing cupboard.

Why hadn't she answered him? Oh, bollocks, she knew why, but she was still angry at herself for it.

She was afraid; afraid of the rejection she felt was inevitable. The bitter taste of regret soured her mouth, but with it came a sense of safety. You could be safe in your fear, in being a coward, because there wasn't any risk. Rae could feel the straps of her backpack of bullshit weighing down on her shoulders, reasserting its presence in her life.

So much for her manifesto of honesty. She could feel the new Rae slipping away as she sat on the floor of her bedroom, watching Chop's face go slack as Izzy walked away from their kiss. And there it was, the friend-zone in action, two people who fancied each other yet were too scared to admit it. She could almost see the outlines of their own backpack's, Chop's obnoxiously neon colored, though a bit ragged around the edges, and Izzy's own little one covered with badges of rainbows and flowers. Everyone was carrying around a backpack full of bullshit. She idly wondered what Finn's would look like. Probably some dark color, black or navy blue, unassuming and hardly noticeable, but if you looked really closely you'd see the faded patches of his favorite bands.

_Oh, Finn_…she thought, as the memory of his face searching hers for some kind of answer, and the disappointment and hurt at finding none, resurfaced. That look was burned into her retinas, eating a good sized hole in her chest and making it harder to breathe.

She should find him. She wasn't sure what she would say, what she even could say, and she was nearly positive she would just muck things up even more, but through the fuzzy mist clouding her thoughts, she knew that she had to see him. With that, she knew the new Rae wasn't completely gone, though she did want to kick old Rae's bum for being duped into listening to dating advice from Danny. She had certainly created tension, but now there might be no going back. The new Rae smacked her upside the head for being so negative. Well, she could try to fix things, _had _to try if she didn't want to ruin everything for good. Maybe she could find him and apologize for acting so twattish. Maybe they could be mates still…

"Chop?" she called, startling him. She had a sneaking feeling that Chop had his own memory replaying in his head. "Where's Finn?"

Chop shrugged, the bells on his jester hat jingling with the movement. Resolute in her need to find him, even though the smoky tendrils of insecurity were weaving their way through her mind, whispering _he doesn't want to see you, doesn't want to talk to you, and why should he? You've gone and fucked it up, just like everything else!_, she got up. It wasn't easy, but Rae managed to push the smoky thoughts which threatened to override her resolution away as she walked out into the hall.

There were a few small groups of people having hushed conversations, and quite a few passed out drunk on the hall floor, but Finn wasn't there. In fact, she didn't recognize any of these people that were in her house. Damn Chop and his sexy party. "Intimate affair" her arse! She was about to head downstairs, when a muffled, nearly imperceptible sound came from her mum's room. It sounded like the telephone was left off the cradle. The memory of Finn asking to use the telephone to ring home surfaced in her mind. That had been hours ago, before the spin-the-bottle incident, but maybe he had gone back to try again. She might as well go fix the phone, anyway.

Stepping carefully over the tangled legs of more people she didn't know, Rae opened the door. It took her a moment to take in what she found there. Finn was sitting on her mum's bed, his back hunched over with his head in one hand, the other gripping the phone as it sat forgotten and unrelenting in its droning by his side. She called his name quietly, and he turned to look at her. The pained look on his face nearly took Rae's breath away, and she understood. Each piece fell into place, and she knew.

"Oh shit…" She whispered, as the realization hit her. _His nan…Oh, God, Finn…_

He turned away from her as Rae walked quickly into the room, shutting the door softly behind her. As she watched, his whole body began to shake, his grip held so tightly on the phone she thought it might crumble in his hand.

"Oh, Finn, I'm so sorry," she choked out, the sight of him looking so shattered making her eyes sting with the threat of tears.

She sat down on the bed, reaching out to put her hand on his shoulder. She could feel his muscles, tense and trembling, beneath the soft material of his shirt. A million things she could say flew through her brain, but they all fell flat. In times like this, Rae knew that words would not, _could not_, make it better. She often felt completely clueless about so many things, Finn included, but right at that moment, she knew what he needed as if he had told her himself. He didn't need false promises of everything getting better, of some faraway future place where the pain wouldn't be so sharp. He just needed someone to be there. So she pulled him close to her, with just a soft _I'm sorry _spoken between them, and she felt his arms wrap around her. With a heavy sob that nearly broke Rae's heart, the tension that had been building up in Finn was released as he buried his head in her shoulder.

She gently stroked his back, rocking slightly on the bed, trying to comfort him the way she had always wished someone would comfort her. His grip on her tightened as he let his emotions pour out of him, and she tightened her own grip in response. She knew that small gesture would be enough to tell him _I'm here. Don't worry, I'm here. Just let it all go._

He sniffled loudly into her shoulder, and she knew her shirt would be damp with tears and snot, but she didn't care. He needed her. _He _needed _her_. Finn Nelson, epic slice, grumpy sod, and total sex god, needed _her_, Rae Earl, monumental fuck-up, with emphasis on the mental part. The dark thoughts, which had been lying in wait in the back of her mind, ready to pounce, disappeared. Her own worries became nonexistent, and all that mattered was Finn and the fact that right now, he needed her. And she would be there. For hours, days, weeks, she didn't bloody care. As long as he needed her, she would be right there by his side.

(Finn's POV)

The sound of his dad's voice, how it had cracked on the last word, how he had barely been able to get it out before crumbling into incoherent sobs kept replaying over and over in his head.

_Gone_…_gone…gone…_

She was gone. The one woman in the world who knew him, _really_ knew him, and she was gone, just like that. His mine drifted to the last time he had seen her. She had seemed so lively, better almost. Going on about how tired she was of being in hospital, how all she wanted was to drink some decent tea in her own house without being surrounded by uppity nurses and doctors whose hands were far too cold. He almost laughed at the memory, but it came out as a low, strangled sob instead. He wasn't crying. He_ couldn't _cry. His whole body was tight as a wire, and he knew that it wouldn't take much to make that wire snap. But he couldn't let go.

He was controlled, always had been. Ever since his mum left and he had watched his dad break down more times than he could count, falling to pieces at anything that reminded him of her, Finn knew he had to be strong. Someone had to, and his dad couldn't, so it had to be Finn. It didn't matter that he was only eight; he knew he had to stay strong. And to stay strong, he couldn't let go.

And he didn't. The only times he came close, were when he and the lads were acting stupid. Pulling pranks and dares which were bound to get them into trouble, and which often _did_ get them into trouble, were his escape. It was during those times when he didn't have to be so strong, when he could act like the reckless 17 year old he was supposed to be.

And there were those other moments, little blips which he tried very hard to forget, where the grip he had on his emotions wasn't enough to keep them at bay. His anger had a tendency of exploding out of control, and he'd had the multiple black eyes and split lips to show for it. Like when those knobheads had been taking the piss out of Rae. He hadn't been able to keep hold of his anger, and he had let go as the frustration and other emotions Finn didn't like thinking about which Rae stirred in him exploded outwards as his fist made contact with the scumbag's jaw.

He had let go a bit in the cupboard earlier, allowing that same frustration to seep out of him. Her lips had been so distractingly close that he almost couldn't think at all, but he had managed to question her on why she had been acting so shit to him all night. He had let his guard down with her, let her in with the hope that they could be mates, and it had backfired. Her answers had hurt him, and he had let go of that hurt for a moment, feeling it settle into his features as he stared at her waiting for an answer, something, _anything_, before he had grabbed hold of that hurt, shoving it deep down inside him and retaining his control. He had let go, and it had hurt. So he _couldn't _let go.

He heard the door open as if it were miles away, the sound not really registering in his consciousness. Nothing registered until he heard her voice call his name. He looked up to see her standing in the doorway, and watched as her eyes widened at the sight of him. _Don't let go_. _Not in front of her. _He couldn't bear her seeing him like this, so close to the edge, and yet he was glad she was there. Glad it was her that had found him.

He turned his head away from her, unable to look her in the eye without breaking, and heard Rae shut the door. _Rae_…Just the thought of her name threatened to break him. He was taken back to one of the last times he had seen his nan, when she had grilled him on just who was occupying so much of his thoughts.

"What d'ya mean?" he had scoffed, feigning ignorance, even though deep down he knew exactly whose dark hair had been occupying his mind as he heard Babylon Zoo blasting out of someone's car outside the hospital window.

"Don't pull that with me, Finn Nelson, I know you better." She retorted with an arch of her brow, "So tell me, what's her name?" Finn had wanted to say there was no one, that his emotions were under control, his grip strong. He had wanted to say, had wanted to _believe_, that, like all of the other girls in his life, he had retained his distance, keeping the walls up so that no one could get in. But his Nan had always been able to see right through those walls, to make them crumble with just a glare.

"R-rae…her name's Rae," He had whispered, her name bringing a small, almost imperceptible smile to his lips. Now, that name was nearly his undoing.

He could feel his whole body begin to shake, the emotions building up inside him, and he felt as if he might just explode right then and there. He felt her hand on his shoulder, and the warmth sent shockwaves through his system. He couldn't hold it in any longer. He could almost hear Rae asking him to let go. Just one small touch, and he knew that he didn't have to be so strong, that he could let go and she would be there to catch him. How he knew this was a mystery, but he was too far gone to care. _He had to let go_.

And as her firm grip pulled him closer, the wire snapped. The sobs wracked his body like the aftershocks of an earthquake, but he wasn't scared; because of her, because of her arms wrapped around him, and the smell of her hair as he buried his face in her shoulder. He let all the sorrow, the anger, the frustration, the hurt, the fear, the _grief_ tumble out of him. He was lost in all of the emotions he had been trying so hard to keep inside of him as they poured out of him, creating an ocean which threatened to pull him under. The only thing keeping him from drowning was Rae. He held onto her like a life-raft, his grip tightening around her, his hand gripping a fistful of her shirt as if he would float away if he let go. And she gripped him just as tightly in response, telling him without words that she was there for him, that she would keep the waves from pulling him under, the water from filling his lungs. He needed her. The realization hit like a lightning bolt, and he could almost see his nan shaking her head at him, with that knowing look in her eye. She had known. She had seen right through him, like she always did. Before he even knew, she had known that this girl was different. That for once, he actually _cared_.

He yearned to see his nan one more time, to thank her for being there for him, for not letting his bullshit slide, for really seeing _him_. And for loving him, even when he didn't think he deserved it.

He was unsure how long he sat there in Rae's arms, but it felt like an eternity. Eventually the sobs subsided, leaving a calmness that he suspected came from being so close to her. His face was damp and sticky with tears and snot, and he knew that he must have made a mess of Rae's shirt.

It was difficult, nearly impossible, but he pulled away. Rae's arms fell to her side as he wiped his nose with the back of his hand. He felt bereft without her arms around him, but he knew that he had to pull himself together. He stared at his hands, not ready to look at her yet, afraid of what he might see there, of what she might see in his face.

"'ey," she called softly, tentatively putting her own hand over his. He looked up, and saw that her own face was damp with tears. He had been so lost in his own sobs, he hadn't even felt hers. She gave him a small, nervous smile, and wiped her own face with the back of her hand.

An unfamiliar feeling swelled in his chest at how strong she looked to him then. This girl who was so frustrating, so challenging, so much like his nan. There was a part of him that was still unsure where they stood with each other, but he couldn't bring himself to ask, not yet. He glanced at her shoulder, and grimaced at the complete mess he had made.

"Sorry 'bout ya shirt," he murmured, his voice raw and scratchy from crying. Rae rolled her eyes at him and, with a sniffle, pulled the red flannel shirt off, crumpling it into a ball and tossing it on the floor.

"It's just a bloody shirt. There's a reason they invented washing machines, you know. You are so fucking ridiculous sometimes," She said, giving him a look which she had given him a thousand times before, the one that said _stop being such a twit, Finn!_ That little bit of normality in the midst of everything that had happened struck Finn, and he broke out into a wide grin, his body shaking with laughter instead of sobs.

"What ya laughin' at, ya cheeky git?" she exclaimed, punching his arm.

"Nothin'," Finn chuckled, a big grin stuck on his face. Finn felt the weight of all that had happened begin to weigh on him, the waves of exhaustion beginning to pull at him. It seemed as if everything had happened days ago.

The smile grew smaller, but remained as he lay back on the bed, an odd sort of contentment settling in. He had let go, and perhaps he would feel the repercussions in the morning, but for now, he was alright with it. He looked up at Rae, sitting awkwardly on the edge of the bed, and patted the spot next to him.

She hesitated for a moment before lying down next to him, their shoulders barely a centimeter apart. He felt the urge to close the small gap between them, but pushed it down. He would have time to sort out his feelings for Rae later. For now, being with her made him feel better, stronger. For now, laying there with her next to him was


	2. Chapter 2

(Rae's POV)

Rae could have stayed in Finn's arms for eternity. Even though the circumstances were utter crap, and it practically broke her heart seeing Finn in so much pain, there was a small part of her that had loved every bleeding second of it. It wasn't her fault that her ever-growing horn liked to rear its head whenever she was around Finn!

Rae hated thinking that, feeling like it made her a really shit friend to him, but she couldn't deny the slight elation that came from him touching her. Her skin still tingled where his hand had gripped her shirt, where his face had been buried in her shoulder.

Now, here they were, lying next to each other with barely a centimeter between them. She glanced at Finn out of the corner of her eye, watching his chest rise and fall as he lay there. _God, he even __**breathes **__sexy!_ she thought to herself. Who knew that this completely shit night—scratch that, this shit _day_—would have ended so perfectly. Though she wanted so badly to just be happy in this moment, she couldn't help it as her thoughts dragged her back to the whole reason she had hosted this party in the first place…

Her mum. Suddenly, the fact that she was in her mum's room made her sick to her stomach. She didn't want to be in here, not in this room full of lies. Even feeling the warmth of Finn's body radiating next to hers was being tainted by the anger that burned in her stomach. _No, she would not let her mum ruin this for her, would not let her ruin yet another good thing in her life_.

"I s'pose we ought to go back out there, 'fore they come lookin' for us…" Rae murmured, watching Finn's face out the corner of her eye.

Finn let out a small sigh, but sat up anyway, rubbing his face with his hands.

Rae sat up as well, self-consciously wiping her own face for any stray tears or snot, before standing up. She looked down at Finn, still sitting on the bed and staring at his hands.

"I dunno if…if I'm ready to go out there…" Finn whispered, his voice barely audible. He looked so scared in that moment, so much like a little boy. Without thinking, Rae held out her hand to him. Finn looked up, his gaze traveling from the hand in question, to Rae's face.

"Sure ya can, I'll be there with ya," She said with a smile. The small smile Finn gave her in return didn't quite reach his eyes, and he still looked like a terrified little boy about to inspect his cupboard for monsters, but he took her hand anyway. The feeling of his warm calloused hand in her own made Rae's stomach do a topsy-turvy little dance and she had to push down the urge to guide his hand to other places on her body. She had just fixed the damage done earlier and she wasn't about to go mucking up whatever progress she'd made.

Right at that moment, the door flung open, a few lads stumbling into the room pissed out of their minds. Rae froze, her eyes widening like a deer caught in headlights. She nearly let go of Finn's hand, but his grip tightened. She threw a quick glance at his face, his eyes silently pleading with her. She knew that she couldn't let him go.

She would take him to her room, which had hopefully emptied out while they had been hidden away in here, and there, maybe, they could talk without the shadow of her mum looming over them.

Rae pushed past some of the lads with determination, eliciting a couple of slurred _Oi!_'s, and quickly pulled Finn out into the hall, pausing only as she caught sight of Chloe, stumbling along with the group into her mum's room.

Chloe hadn't seen her, and Rae was silently glad, not wanting to deal with whatever Chlo's reaction would be to her and Finn holding hands. She wasn't ready to share this moment yet. She wanted to keep it between her and Finn for now, afraid that if she shared it, it might just disappear, a figment of her overactive imagination.

She quietly made her way over to her own doorway, and peered inside, seeing that, aside from a sleeping Izzy curled up on the floor at the foot of Rae's bed like a kitten, the room was thankfully empty.

Rae turned back to Finn, and her breath caught in her throat at how close his face was to hers. A dull thump reverberated from downstairs, and Rae realized she should probably assess how much damage had been done to her house.

"Alright, I'm gonna go make sure nothing's bloody broken or set on fire down there," Rae whispered with an exasperated sigh, not even her anger at her mother able to stifle the slight panic at how the bleeding hell she was ever going to clean this place up, "You stay here, and I'll be right back." She promised, giving his hand a small squeeze. Finn nodded, squeezing her hand in return before letting it go.

"Could you grab my sleeping bag?" he asked quietly. Rae froze for a moment as the realization that Finn might be sleeping in her room tonight set in.

In _her room_. With _her_.

Her heart started to pound at such a deafening volume that she was sure Finn must have heard it. She could feel his questioning gaze, and she mentally shook away the fear/excitement at such a prospect and muttered a small "of course," before turning and heading quickly back into the hall and down the stairs.

She took the steps two at a time, throwing quick glances around the house to ensure it hadn't fallen apart. The party had died down significantly since Rae had found Finn, and she briefly wondered how much time had passed while they were in her mum's room.

The whole place was a mess, the floor littered with a layer of beer cans, cigarette stubs, confetti, and people, silly string splattered across every available surface, but at least nothing seemed to be irreparable. Rae still had no idea how she would get this mess cleaned up before her mum and Karim returned home, but at the moment she didn't particularly care.

Right now, she had one of the—scratch that, _THE—_fittestboy in Lincolnshire waiting for her. In her _bedroom_. Everything else could wait.

Rae threw a blanket over Danny, who was asleep on the couch with Anna, and slid a cushion underneath Archie's head where he was passed out on her kitchen floor before picking up a vase that had been knocked over onto the carpet, most likely the culprit of the thud from earlier.

As she made her way back to the living to grab Finn's sleeping bag, Rae spotted Chop, lying on the floor staring silently at the ceiling. The usual Chop flair was gone, the goofy grin that was a near-permanent fixture on his face replaced by a dazed look. Rae shook her head, knowing exactly how Chop was feeling in that moment. Her and her mates could be proper daft buggers sometimes.

Rae quietly grabbed Finn's sleeping bag from its spot by the stereo, careful not to make too much noise, and made her way back up the stairs. Halfway up, her stomach did that topsy-turvy thing again, but this time wasn't as pleasant. This time, it was nerves tying her insides into knots.

What if Finn regrets having hugged her, having opened up to her? What if he wakes up from his grief-induced state and realizes it was all a mistake? I mean, look at her.

_Blob with a gob._ Her own words to Kester rang in her ears, and Rae froze at the top of the stairs. She squeezed her eyes shut, hoping to squeeze out the bad thoughts with them, but they continued swirling around in her head, her insecurities threatening to pull her under. Rae counted to ten, but the thoughts wouldn't listen. She imagined herself, dressed from head to toe in armor, charging the bad thoughts that were paralyzing her movement, but nothing worked.

Finally, she let herself think of Finn. She thought of his arms around her, his smile, the way his hand felt in hers. The dark thoughts tried to twist those memories into something dark and hurtful, but new Rae wouldn't let them. She thought about how scared he looked, how his body shook as he cried, and Rae felt her feet move forward again, one step at a time. She couldn't leave him alone up there. She was his mate and she needed to be there for him.

Before she knew it, she was almost to her own door, the dark thoughts retreating from new Rae's determination. She let out a deep breath, feeling her tense shoulders relax for a moment. She paused at her mum's room, peering in and allowing herself a small laugh at Chloe, sprawled out alone on her mum's bed surrounded by other sleeping figures on the floor. _Sleep on the floor? Pah! Only the best for princess Chloe._ Rae thought with a smirk.

With a few more steps, she was back at her bedroom door. She reached for the handle, but paused for a moment, her nerves flaring up again. _No. No more being scared. Not tonight. _Rae thought resolutely, as she turned the doorknob and entered the room.

Finn was sitting on her windowsill smoking, his body half out her window, as a thick tendril of smoke escaped his lips. He turned to her as she entered, and Rae's heart did a small flip-flop at the tired smile he gave her. And it was the sight of him, in her room, looking so impossibly sexy, that finally drove the last remaining bad thoughts from her mind.

(Finn's POV)

As soon as Rae left the room, Finn could feel the emptiness from earlier creeping back, trying to settle itself into his bones. He was physically and emotionally spent, and without Rae there, acting as a balm to soothe his frayed emotions, Finn felt restless. He needed something to distract him. He needed a smoke.

Finn picked up his jacket from where he had left it during spin-the-bottle and pulled his tobacco and rolling papers out of the pocket. It was odd, being in her room alone. It was like getting a peek inside her head, all of these little details that make up a person put on display. Finn chuckled quietly at her wallpaper which was covered with tiny animals dressed in ridiculous clothes. Rae had obviously tried to obscure this remnant of her childhood, filling up nearly every available wall-space with band posters.

Finn began the nearly mechanical act of rolling a cigarette, taking solace in the normality of the task. The smell of tobacco and the smooth feel of the paper beneath his fingers were a welcome distraction from his own grief, and he could feel his control over his emotions begin to return.

Fishing a lighter from his jeans, he walked over to Rae's window. The house had grown near silent, with just the hum of sleeping breaths audible as the last few straggling conversations died out. He gently opened the window, peering over his shoulder to make sure he hadn't woken Izzy.

The cool air was a shock to Finn's system, but he welcomed it, relishing the sobering effect it had on him. Perched on the window sill, Finn lit his cigarette and took a long drag. The smoke burned his throat, which was still raw from crying, but it felt good. It gave him something to focus on without Rae there.

_Rae_. He was still unsure where they stood with each other. He knew some things, like the fact that he actually _liked _talking to her, a feat no one but his nan had managed to accomplish, but there were things he couldn't bring himself to say to her. Certain things that he was barely able to work out in his mind. He wasn't any good at words, never had been. He was better at watching, observing the world around him, noticing the small things which most people let slip into their peripheral vision.

Like Rae.

He noticed how her face lit up when she talked about music. How that same light dimmed sometimes when she talked about herself. How, in the hazy light of the pub, her black hair could look almost purple.

He also noticed the little smiles she shared with Archie, the ones they exchanged when they thought no one was looking. He didn't like noticing things like that, how it seemed as if they shared something only they were privy to, a secret language told all in smirks and sideways glances. He wanted so badly for Rae to share something like that with him. Something like that with _only _him. It dawned on him then that he had spent a fair amount of time noticing things about Rae. Even when he was unsure about her, when she was just this enigma in a leather jacket, pushing her way into his life and rivaling his own music taste.

Finn's thoughts were interrupted as the door creaked open and Rae quietly entered with Finn's sleeping bag in hand. He gave her a tired smile, and felt the swirling confusion of emotions within him still at her presence. She returned the smile as she set his sleeping bag on the edge of her bed, grabbing a pillow and gently lifting Izzy's head to tuck it underneath.

As he watched her, Finn found he was unsurprised at how effortless it was for Rae to take care of people. She didn't even seem to think about it, it just came naturally to her. Not all the time, of course, but when they really needed it, she was right there knowing somehow exactly what they wanted before they did.

The image of Rae's slumped figure growing smaller as he and the lads raced off to Knebworth surfaced in his mind. She hadn't given any explanation, only a small apology accompanied by a glance towards Chloe. He still didn't know what had been going on, but he was perceptive enough to realize that Chloe hadn't been alright, and that Rae had been there for her friend, sacrificing Knebworth, which he knew was a big deal to Rae, because she knew she was needed. He couldn't keep up with this girl. She was so difficult to figure out, the Rae who had held him as he broke down the same Rae who'd been mugging him off all night—

"What are ya staring at?" Rae whispered, and Finn realized he had been unknowingly gawking at her from the windowsill, trying to figure out the puzzle that was Rae Earl. His cigarette had nearly burned down to a stub, and he took one last drag before tossing it out the window, pulling himself out of his own thoughts.

"Nothin'," He said, giving Rae a small smile. She returned the smile, her eyes nervously flitting around the room. "Mind if I put on some tunes?" Finn asked quietly, trying to fill the silence in the room.

"Go ahead," Rae whispered back, gesturing to her stereo. "I'll be rating your choices, o'course." She added with a smirk, "though, seeing as your choosin' from my music collection, it'll be hard for even _you_ to fuck` up."

Finn let out a small chuckle, glad to have the Rae he knew, the one who liked to challenge him, back. He wandered to her dresser, where Cd's were piled in haphazard towers as Rae quietly closed the window. He let his fingers drift across the spines, his head tilted to the side as he read each album. _Oasis, The Stone Roses, Pulp, Boyzone_…his fingers paused on the last one, and he let out a small chuckle.

"You almost had me fooled," He whispered with a smirk, looking over his shoulder at Rae.

"What d'ya mean?" She whispered back, making her way over to him.

"You're always goin' on and on about how _superior_ your music taste is, and I almost believed ya!" He whispered as he pulled the album from its pile and held it up for Rae to see. "Boyzone, eh?"

Rae's eyes grew even wider as she lunged for the CD, but Finn pulled it out of her reach.

"My mum bought that for me!" she whispered fervently, lunging once more for the offending album, but Finn was quicker, taking a step back and dangling it between them.

"Don't try to deny it, Rae, deep down you think it's _so good_!" He crooned, laughing at the horrified look on Rae's face as she tried in vain to wrench the album from his grasp. After a futile struggle, Finn gave in, letting Rae jerk _Said and Done_ away from him. By that point, the pair of them were breathless with laughter.

"You are…such a prick!" Rae exclaimed between laughs. Finn shrugged, a wide grin spreading across his face.

"At least I'm not the one who listens to Boyzone," He pointed out.

"I do not listen to them! I already told ya, my mum bought this bloody CD for me! She saw them on Top of the Pops and only got it 'cause she thought they were fit!" She huffed, quickly stuffing the album into one of her drawers.

"Whatever ya say," Finn said with a skeptical raise of his brows. Rae looked as if she were about to give him a right smack upside the head when a small sound jolted them out of their argument.

Izzy mumbled something incoherently, causing Finn and Rae to freeze, both turning to look at their forgotten third wheel. Izzy shifted a bit on the floor, letting out a small groan, but, after a few moments, remained silent.

Finn and Rae both glanced at each other and nearly burst out laughing. Rae had to cover her mouth to stifle her laughter while Finn shook his head.

"Since we'll not be listening to any of that crap, I guess I still need to pick somethin' out," he whispered, throwing Rae a smirk. "Are there any other musical surprises I should know about? Any Babylon Zoo albums ya got hidden in here?"

Rae glared at Finn for a moment before sticking her tongue out at him. This time, it was Finn who had to cover his mouth to stifle his laughter as he made his way back to the towers of Cd's. His gaze traveled to a shelf on the wall, piled even higher with albums when his eyes alighted on a small, nearly hidden, heap of mixtapes. _Bingo!_ He thought to himself.

Mixtapes could say more about a person than any amount of albums could. You could learn so much about a person through the songs they put on a mixtape. There were so many small decisions, which songs to put on, what order to put them in, which goes first, how it should end. Making a mixtape was like writing a story, and Finn began to wonder what sort of stories Rae had written with music. He eyed the small spines, covered with handwritten titles and pictures, trying to decide on which one to pick when his gaze settled on one covered with little stars and moons. He pulled the tape out and considered looking at the tracklist, but decided against it, wanting to hear the story unfold for himself.

Finn could feel Rae's gaze boring into him, and knew that if he hesitated, Rae might not let him put it on, so he quickly slid the tape into the stereo and pressed play. Mazzy Star's _Fade Into You_ drifted out of the speakers and Finn smiled.

"I s'pose I can forgive you Boyzone," he whispered to Rae, who had come up beside him, "_if _ya admit I know more about music than you do."

Rae snorted, rolling her eyes at him, "_Never_."

Finn smiled, but the smile quickly morphed into a wide yawn. He didn't want the night to be over, but he was dead tired. He grabbed his sleeping bag from Rae's bed and began laying it out on her floor.

"What ya doin'?" Rae whispered.

"Setting up my sleeping bag, unless ya have some more crap albums to show me," he whispered back.

"No, why are ya setting up on the floor? There's…well, there's enough room on my bed," she whispered nervously, her voice faltering on the last word. Finn stood up straight, glancing from Rae to her bed and back.

"Are ya sure?" he asked, the excitement he felt over getting to sleep so close to Rae bubbling up inside of him.

"O'course," she whispered quickly, "I've been twattish enough to ya tonight, I'm not gonna make you sleep on the floor as well!"

Rae pulled her Duvet off her bed, grabbing his sleeping bag from the floor and spreading it out on the side closest to the wall.

Finn quickly slipped off his boots before climbing on the bed and into the sleeping bag while Rae remained standing in the center of the room, awkwardly gripping her duvet as she nervously bit her bottom lip. Finn nearly got lost in that small action, finding his gaze pulled to Rae's mouth, but quickly controlled his thoughts and patted the space next to him on the bed.

"Well, come on, then," he whispered, his body thrumming with the anticipation of being near her again. Rae hesitated for a moment more before slipping her trainers off and climbing into the bed next to him, wrapping the duvet around her almost to her chin. Though they were separated by his sleeping bag and her duvet, Finn could still feel the warmth of her body next to him through the layers, and felt some of the tension he hadn't even realized had been building up in his neck and shoulders dissipate.

They lay there for a while, letting to music drift over them, the gentle strumming of the guitar and the soft lilt of Hope Sandoval's voice filling the room with a stillness that both he and Rae could feel. Finn felt Rae settle deeper into the bed beside him, and glanced at her face, which was partially hidden behind the edge of her pillow. Her eyes were drifted shut, a look of calmness settling over her features. Finn wondered for a moment if his presence had the same calming effect on her as she had on him, or if it was just the music.

Finn didn't want to break into their musical reverie, but he desperately wanted to talk to Rae, to hear her voice.

"So, how bad was it down there?" he whispered.

She opened her eyes then, glancing over at him and letting out an exasperated sigh, "My house is a bloody disaster zone!" she whispered, "last time I host a bleeding sexy party."

"I thought you weren't havin' a party." He whispered.

"I wanted to piss my mum off." She replied with a small laugh.

Her answer reminded him of something his nan would have said, and Finn felt a pang of sadness at the thought he would never get to see his nan again.

"You alright?" Rae whispered after a moment, lifting her head to look at him.

"Yeah, I s'pose." He said. Finn wished Rae could have met his nan. He could just picture them, talking together, laughing together, "You'd have liked me nan. She was always talkin' 'bout somethin'."

Rae lifted her head again, her brow furrowed. "What you tryin' to say?" she whispered.

"Nothin'! Just…you're always banging on about it." He said with a laugh.

"You cheeky bastard!" Rae hissed with a smirk.

"Nah, I mean in a good way." Finn insisted, trying to make Rae understand what he meant. He was no good with words, but he needed to somehow tell her how he felt, as much as he could. "I_ like_ it." He whispered, "I like talking to ya. And I don't," Finn paused, pushing the edge of Rae's pillow down so she could see he meant it, "like talking to anybody."

Rae scrunched her nose at him, and Finn mirrored the expression. He did like talking to her, which was why he had been so confused about why she had been mugging him off all day. Finn knew he had to ask her if they were alright. He wasn't sure he wanted to hear the answer, but he knew he would be restless until he asked.

"So…are we alright?" he whispered, watching her face closely as he held his breath waiting for the answer.

She gazed at him for a moment, her eyes softening at his question. "Yeah," she nodded, "we're alright."

Finn smiled to himself, letting out a silent sigh of relief. Now that he finally knew they were alright, he could feel the waves of exhaustion finally pull him under, making it impossible to keep his eyes open.

There was still so much he wanted to say, and he very nearly smacked himself in the back of the head in the hopes that the impact might dislodge the tangled web of words that were caught in the back of his throat, but he was too exhausted.

His nan's face, with the same knowing look he had seen earlier, reappeared in his mind. Yeah, nan, I got it. I care about her. She's my…mate. The word seemed small and flat. _Mate_. Chop was his mate. Archie was his mate, even if he sometimes wanted to dislodge those secret smiles from Archie's face with his fist.

But, _Rae_?

The word didn't seem to fit her, not in the way he wanted, at least. But, for now, it was the only thing he could think to call her. And it was loads better than nothing.


End file.
